There are a lot of things I need to adjust to now. The first is the realization that my son will be an only child, something I never thought I'd say. I always wanted a huge family - 4, 5, even 6 kids - and that future is no longer a possibility; that path is barred to me. And yes, I'm the one who said the words that took it away - but really, it had been gone for months, if not years, already.
The second is the soul-crushing loneliness of being a single parent to an infant. (And yes, at 13 months he is still an infant; if you disagree, you have no children.) And again, I can hear you say "Boo-hoo, you ended it, now you have to pay for it!" Well, yes. But that doesn't make it suck any less.
The question is, would I change my mind? No. For reasons which will not be explained here, I believe that it was the right decision. And certainly the other involved party doesn't appear to be remotely upset, so obviously I was right in my estimation that it had been over for months, and had just become an exercise in stubborness.
But again, that doesn't make it suck any less.
All my Thoughts on Thoughts and Prayers
2 weeks ago