On Taking Out the Trash.

I just finished massively cleaning out the house. Tristin's Dad had left a bit of a mess behind him, and I seized the opportunity to get rid of a whole bunch of junk that I've been hauling around with me through the last 4 or 5 moves.

I feel great.

Stuff is overrated. It's the measure by which our consumer-driven society measures success. It's an anchor; it weighs us down; and I hate it. I don't like having to sort through endless mountains of crap. I don't like packing, and contrary to popular opinion I don't particularly like cleaning - I just do it because the alternative is pretty disgusting, when you think about it. So, having divested myself of the vast majority of my library, about 2/3 of my "wardrobe" (most of which I would probably never have fit into again), every single piece of clothing that Tristin has outgrown (except the outfit he came home from the hospital in; I did allow myself that much nostalgia) and a mountain of junk and trash that had been accumulating in the basement/garage, I feel refreshed and ready to move on.

I definitely think this was a great idea.

On Adjusting.

There are a lot of things I need to adjust to now. The first is the realization that my son will be an only child, something I never thought I'd say. I always wanted a huge family - 4, 5, even 6 kids - and that future is no longer a possibility; that path is barred to me. And yes, I'm the one who said the words that took it away - but really, it had been gone for months, if not years, already.



The second is the soul-crushing loneliness of being a single parent to an infant. (And yes, at 13 months he is still an infant; if you disagree, you have no children.) And again, I can hear you say "Boo-hoo, you ended it, now you have to pay for it!" Well, yes. But that doesn't make it suck any less.

The question is, would I change my mind? No. For reasons which will not be explained here, I believe that it was the right decision. And certainly the other involved party doesn't appear to be remotely upset, so obviously I was right in my estimation that it had been over for months, and had just become an exercise in stubborness.

But again, that doesn't make it suck any less.

On Job Interviews, Among Other Things.

I have a job interview tomorrow. The position isn't bad (I didn't apply for any bad positions this time 'round), although it's a far cry from what I would describe as a dream job. Still, it's a professional position, it's a Monday-Friday 9-5 sort of position, and it's in the right area of the city. Honestly, it's the kind of job I could probably do with my eyes closed; it's an office manager/receptionist position with a chiropractic office. So I'll have to file, answer phones, use the computer, keep the lobby/waiting area clean, tidy, and well-stocked with reading materials... and so on and so forth. Pretty mindless work, but on the plus side, one can assume that anybody leaving a chiropractor's office feels better than they did when they got there, so I'd be a part of making people's days better. And while it's not quite my dream job, it's a chance to add "Medical Administrative Assistant" to my resume, which could feasibly open even more doors. So wish me luck out there!

On Being a Single Mum

Well, I figured I'd give it a week before writing this post. Didn't want to write from a place of anger, since doing that in a public forum doesn't really do anybody any favours... especially not when the possibility of a full-blown custody battle still looms. It doesn't look as though it will come down to that, though; we've both gotten a great deal more civilized as time has marched on from d-day. But yes, I am now a single mum. It's been a very long time coming to this point; I don't think either of us are really surprised (at least, I most certainly wasn't, and if he was, then he's even less observant than most men), but it's still going to be a long adjustment period. Not least because I have nowhere to live at present; I will be staying with various and assorted friends and family over the course of the next few months as I attempt to secure employment and rebuild my finances, but even if I were to land the perfect job tomorrow, and have childcare handed to me on a platter, it would still take literally 2-3 months before I'm in any kind of shape to strike out on my own again. But at least things are getting moving in the right direction; Once everything is said and done with, I think this will be the best move. Wish me luck!