On 48 Hours... Alone.

Tristin's at his dad's for a two-night visit.

This is not the first one. In fact, it is the second one. Last time, I went to see him after the first 24 hours... and he was so sad, he missed me so much, that I ended up taking him home with me for most of the afternoon.

I am at a loss, this evening. I had no plans, no friends to visit, no money to take myself out for a movie... I didn't much feel like being around people, and now, now I don't feel much like being alone. I know that this feeling of disconnectedness owes much to the fact that I haven't been away from Tristin much through his entire life. I know that, at this point, I really shouldn't be at such loose ends after only 12 hours without him - especially considering that I need to be getting back to work soon - but, there it is. I miss him so much. I miss being able to go to his room at this hour, and see his sleeping face, and hear him breathing, and rest my hand on his chest to feel his heartbeat. And I have, perhaps, 12 more hours before I can see him again.

I miss him so much.

On Grandmothers.

Grandmothers are a wonderful breed, and Tristin is particularly blessed to have several of them - Wess's mum (a.k.a. "Gran"), my mum (Granny), my dad's wife (Nana B.), and Wess's best friend's mum (who has been granted honorary Grandma status). Last weekend, we went to visit my mum, who lives in Small Town, Alberta, a few hours' drive from here.

It was a fantastic visit, not least because I got some much-needed time off from being what I (only half-jokingly) refer to as "the first line of defense" for Tristin when it comes to everything from dirty diapers to feeding time to a fussy boy who needs a nap. (Honestly, I don't know how I'm going to cope with going back to work when I already work 18-20 hours a day, but I digress.)

Granny's house is kept reasonably clean, so I am comfortable letting Tristin roam free in the house - something I'm not even comfortable with him doing here at home, since we have been as yet unable to afford to baby-proof the main floor of the house. As well, Granny is unusually compliant with my rules when it comes to eating, playing, television, etc. I say unusually, because out of his four grandmothers, my mum is the only one who obeys these rules - and I don't mean makes a show of obeying, but actually double-checks with me if she's not sure about my feelings on something. I really appreciate that, and it helps to make those times that I can go up to visit seem more like vacations.

(Don't get me wrong - my mum and I have the usual issues, and I don't mean to be painting our relationship as all rosy, but thus far her relationship with her grandson IS all rosy, and that's why it's coming accross that way.)

Another nice thing about visiting at Granny's house is that Tristin gets exposed to more people - something I am striving to keep up, since I do NOT want to have to deal with a little boy who plays shy and screams anytime someone unfamiliar approaches him. With my return to work looming ever-closer on the horizon, I am mindful of the fact that Tristin will have to be going to a daycare or dayhome soon, and the more comfortable he is with new people, the more comfortable I will be leaving him with somebody.

And lastly, one of the best things about visiting Granny is the swag - after all, it is a grandparent's prerogative to spoil her grandchild the way she NEVER would have with her own child!

On Babywearing.

I love babywearing. I have a Maman Kangarou stretchy wrap, which Tristin has almost-but-not-quite outgrown, and a Kelty backpack which we've just started wearing (although, to my chagrin, one of the buckles cracked after being slammed in the door, so we need to buy a new one). The wrap is awesome because it takes up literally no space; I can actually put it on before we get in the car, saving trunk space by leaving the stroller behind. And the Kelty, while it does take up a bit of room, is amazing because I can literally carry my chunky monkey in it ALL DAY LONG. It's incredible! Carrying my baby, instead of pushing him around in the stroller, helps me feel closer to him; I love being able to carry him, ESPECIALLY in the wrap. He hasn't fallen asleep in it in a long time, since he's way too big for a cradle carry, but it still settles him when he's being grumpy, so I think he loves it too.