Sunday, September 5, 2010

On 48 Hours... Alone.

Tristin's at his dad's for a two-night visit.

This is not the first one. In fact, it is the second one. Last time, I went to see him after the first 24 hours... and he was so sad, he missed me so much, that I ended up taking him home with me for most of the afternoon.

I am at a loss, this evening. I had no plans, no friends to visit, no money to take myself out for a movie... I didn't much feel like being around people, and now, now I don't feel much like being alone. I know that this feeling of disconnectedness owes much to the fact that I haven't been away from Tristin much through his entire life. I know that, at this point, I really shouldn't be at such loose ends after only 12 hours without him - especially considering that I need to be getting back to work soon - but, there it is. I miss him so much. I miss being able to go to his room at this hour, and see his sleeping face, and hear him breathing, and rest my hand on his chest to feel his heartbeat. And I have, perhaps, 12 more hours before I can see him again.

I miss him so much.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

On Being in a Rush!

N.B.: The following post will likely have several spelling and grammatical errors, as no actual editing or even proofreading will be taking place.

Item the first: I have a job interview. I'm very excited about this. It's an entry-level position, but it's wit an organization that has a lot of opportunity for advancement, and possibly I may even get to put some of my teaching skills to use.

Item the Second: My son can walk. And babbles non-stop, although he still doesn't seem to have any actual expressive language (which I am getting worried about). His father thinks we may need to get his hearing checked, but I'm pretty sure he's hearing just fine - he just isn't speaking.

Item the Third: After a few weeks of expected bumps and bruises, living with my parents is actually going pretty well. Which is a relief, for about a thousand reasons that aren't really appropriate to blog about.

Item the Fourth: I have now lost 24 lbs since beginning my Single Mum journey. I'm thinking that's probably about as far as it'll go without putting any actual effort in (by which I mean I'm not actively going to a gym or anything; my only exercise is chasing my son around; all weight-loss to date is solely the result of better eating choices, so please don't hate me). I'm going to have to figure out a way to actually work out.

Item the Fifth (and Final): In the five minutes that I've been writing this, my son has pulled all of the books from the bottom two shelves in the bookcase next to me. Gotta go!

Friday, July 16, 2010

On Reflecting.

I've been reminded that I haven't updated in a really, really long time. I do have a reason for this: I'm angry, sometimes so angry that I want to scream, shout, yell, and swear... and I don't want this to turn into one of "those" single-parent blogs. You know the ones I'm talking about. Full of vitriol and bile, and not actually sharing anything relevant about anything, just the same issues regurgitated over and over, not going anywhere.

So I took a little break.

A lot has happened since then. I've moved in with my parents (which really, deserves its own entry, so I'll try to remember to write that soon), am STILL looking for a job (and honestly considering emailing my former boss to see if I can have my old job back, despite passionately not wanting it), am making a conscientious effort to stay involved with my flesh-and-blood friends and not retreat into the pixel world completely, have lost almost 25 lbs (out of the 80 I needed to lose at the beginning of this), and am currently working on developing a schedule/routine that will continue to serve me once I've got my own place.

Tristin is doing well, despite constant small interruptions to his routine; regardless of what happens during the day, I'm striving to keep the hours from 8:30 PM (bedtime) to 7:30 AM (breakfast) pretty consistent. With a few small setbacks, it seems to be working; he seems more settled than he has in a few weeks, and although still exhibiting some anxiety around strangers and a great deal more general crankiness and fussiness than was his wont just a couple of short months ago, he is much more himself than he was a couple of weeks ago during the worst of the uproar.

Other than that, I've been savouring these last few weeks before my return to work; I know that at any time I could, potentially, get a phone call that I simultaneously long for and dread - the one that sends me back to work. Tristin and I have been walking every day that the weather allows, and sometimes even when it's not... we've spent time at the Street Performers Festival, and several parks, and the same Rec Centre pool where he had his birthday party. And we've just been taking each day as it comes, and basking in grace when and where we can find it.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

On Taking Out the Trash.

I just finished massively cleaning out the house. Tristin's Dad had left a bit of a mess behind him, and I seized the opportunity to get rid of a whole bunch of junk that I've been hauling around with me through the last 4 or 5 moves.

I feel great.

Stuff is overrated. It's the measure by which our consumer-driven society measures success. It's an anchor; it weighs us down; and I hate it. I don't like having to sort through endless mountains of crap. I don't like packing, and contrary to popular opinion I don't particularly like cleaning - I just do it because the alternative is pretty disgusting, when you think about it. So, having divested myself of the vast majority of my library, about 2/3 of my "wardrobe" (most of which I would probably never have fit into again), every single piece of clothing that Tristin has outgrown (except the outfit he came home from the hospital in; I did allow myself that much nostalgia) and a mountain of junk and trash that had been accumulating in the basement/garage, I feel refreshed and ready to move on.

I definitely think this was a great idea.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

On Adjusting.

There are a lot of things I need to adjust to now. The first is the realization that my son will be an only child, something I never thought I'd say. I always wanted a huge family - 4, 5, even 6 kids - and that future is no longer a possibility; that path is barred to me. And yes, I'm the one who said the words that took it away - but really, it had been gone for months, if not years, already.



The second is the soul-crushing loneliness of being a single parent to an infant. (And yes, at 13 months he is still an infant; if you disagree, you have no children.) And again, I can hear you say "Boo-hoo, you ended it, now you have to pay for it!" Well, yes. But that doesn't make it suck any less.

The question is, would I change my mind? No. For reasons which will not be explained here, I believe that it was the right decision. And certainly the other involved party doesn't appear to be remotely upset, so obviously I was right in my estimation that it had been over for months, and had just become an exercise in stubborness.

But again, that doesn't make it suck any less.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

On Job Interviews, Among Other Things.

I have a job interview tomorrow. The position isn't bad (I didn't apply for any bad positions this time 'round), although it's a far cry from what I would describe as a dream job. Still, it's a professional position, it's a Monday-Friday 9-5 sort of position, and it's in the right area of the city. Honestly, it's the kind of job I could probably do with my eyes closed; it's an office manager/receptionist position with a chiropractic office. So I'll have to file, answer phones, use the computer, keep the lobby/waiting area clean, tidy, and well-stocked with reading materials... and so on and so forth. Pretty mindless work, but on the plus side, one can assume that anybody leaving a chiropractor's office feels better than they did when they got there, so I'd be a part of making people's days better. And while it's not quite my dream job, it's a chance to add "Medical Administrative Assistant" to my resume, which could feasibly open even more doors. So wish me luck out there!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

On Being a Single Mum

Well, I figured I'd give it a week before writing this post. Didn't want to write from a place of anger, since doing that in a public forum doesn't really do anybody any favours... especially not when the possibility of a full-blown custody battle still looms. It doesn't look as though it will come down to that, though; we've both gotten a great deal more civilized as time has marched on from d-day. But yes, I am now a single mum. It's been a very long time coming to this point; I don't think either of us are really surprised (at least, I most certainly wasn't, and if he was, then he's even less observant than most men), but it's still going to be a long adjustment period. Not least because I have nowhere to live at present; I will be staying with various and assorted friends and family over the course of the next few months as I attempt to secure employment and rebuild my finances, but even if I were to land the perfect job tomorrow, and have childcare handed to me on a platter, it would still take literally 2-3 months before I'm in any kind of shape to strike out on my own again. But at least things are getting moving in the right direction; Once everything is said and done with, I think this will be the best move. Wish me luck!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

On Balancing Acts.

For an explanation as to the incoherence of this entry, please see the time stamp.

I've been having a great deal of difficultly keeping up lately. Between Tristin's increasing clinginess (I'm not sure if it's his teeth or the possibility that he senses my impending [I hope] return to work) and his Dad's increasing work hours, I can't get everything done in the day that I'd like. An ideal day is about 3 hours of housework, including laundry, about 1 hour of exercise (walking, swimming, even playing at the park), about 3 hours of food prep/eating (because Tristin will NOT eat unless I am sitting at the table with him, also eating), 90 minutes of bedtime routine, 2 hours driving, and 2 hours actually getting errands done. Unfortunately, not everything GETS done, because I only have enough energy and drive to accomplish approximately one hour of housework, one hour of food-related activity, and a maximum of two hours - including drive time - outside of the house. I'm just so freakin' tired. And the crappiest part is I will continue to BE tired until my son can just learn to eat... still nursing 8-10 times/day, and while I always wanted to continue breastfeeding until 2 years, I didn't envision it quite like this...

Saturday, May 15, 2010

On Miscellany.

Yes, I'm bad, I haven't updated in ages. So here's a smorg:

  • Tristin still refuses to walk when I can see him, but has now walked for his dad AND his auntie Cath.
  • Tristin is now all-out refusing to go to bed without me, and as a result I either have to let him stay up until eleven, or go to bed myself at nine. Either way, I no longer get any time to myself at all. This is not my favourite phase ever.
  • I have learned two things: one, that it's probably not a good idea to put a one-year-old's entire dinner on his high-chair-tray all at once. Two: My son REALLY likes green beans, and can fit about 25 of them in his mouth at the same time.
  • Instant karma is fabulous. On my way to help out a friend (who really, really needed it), I stopped at the drive-thru for a coffee - which the lady in front of me paid for.
  • The hunt for a job continues. The less said on that, the better.

I'm having a pretty rough time of it, all in all; it's beginning to feel a lot like everything I try, I fail at. In a big, big way.

Monday, May 3, 2010

On Walking It Out.

So, last week Tristin and I joined a local walking group. Once a week, the crew gets together somewhere in the river valley, and walk for about 5 km. A friend of mine does all the work, researching routes and posting maps; Tristin and I just show up with the Ergo, sneakers, water, and a warm blankie for him on days like last Tuesday (and tomorrow, if the forecast is to be believed). Las week we had a fabulous time, although due to the local paper showing up and taking pictures of us walking up and down hills for 20 minutes, my stamina was not quite up to the full 5 km carrying a 27 lb toddler. Fortunately, a friend's husband was more than glad to step in, so we did in fact finish the walk. Tris had a great time, and we even got our picture in the paper!

On that note, we're all meeting up tomorrow at 7:00 at Government House. Come out for a (yes, cold and snowy!) walk and great conversation!

Sunday, May 2, 2010

On Birthday Parties, and Turning One.

Today was Tristin's first birthday party! Despite a rough start to the day (I was unable to find one of the necessary ingredients for the frosting recipe I was planning on using, which resulted in a less-than-perfect substitute), we had an absolutely fabulous day! We went swimming for about an hour at the local Rec Centre, which has a wave pool (edit: amazing wave pool!) and a toddler pool (edit: fabulous toddler pool). Tristin had such a wonderful time swimming there that it has strengthened my resolve to get out swimming at least every other week this summer, more if possible! In fact, he was so tired after swimming that I'm kind of inclined to do it many, MANY times this summer as we work towards sleeping 6-7 hours at night. But I digress.

After swimming, we had a little party in the upstairs rec room, which was probably one of the best ideas I've ever had in my life. Despite the cake falling short of my hopes, and despite several last-minute cancellations, we still had a great time with 3 of Tristin's best friends (almost more like cousins really!), half-a-dozen aunties and uncles, and my parents and grandmother. Words can't describe how happy it makes me that Tristin's great-grandmother got to be there to celebrate his first birthday! All in all, it was a great time - and a learning experience: always, ALWAYS make a practice cake first!

Sunday, April 25, 2010

On Little Boys and Puppydog Tails.

Went out to a friend's housewarming party this afternoon, which was also her son's 2nd birthday. Tristin had so much fun, but it was a reminder that most of our playdates have been with a) babies too much younger than him to be interesting or b) little girls. Not that there's anything wrong with having playdates with little girls, but today, Tristin got to go around the yard in a wagon full of other boys, chase a dog, crawl around in the grass/leaves/dirt, play on the slide (again with a bunch of other rough-and-tumble little boys), and just be 100% rambunctious little boy. It was pretty epic.

A little about the dog: if you know me in person, you know that I don't like dogs. I actually dislike dogs. In fact, it wouldn't be entirely unfair to say that I hate dogs. I think they're smelly, stupid, hairy, loud, obnoxious, and most of all, dangerous. Even dogs who aren't trained to be dangerous still are, because they can't retract their claws and they jump all over people or knock them down. I don't know a single dog that doesn't do this. Unfortunately, like most babies, my son loves dogs - and cats, and birds, and anything else he can chase/grab/growl at. So I grin, bear it, and poise always ready to kill any dog that actually hurts him. Some would say I should just never let him play with dogs, but the problem with that theory is that it can lead to phobias, and while I'd prefer if my son didn't like dogs I don't want him to develop a complex just because it would make my life easier. So I let him play with dogs. I also let him get dirty, fall down, and figure out for himself how to get where he wants to go. I'm that kind of mum.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

On Baptisms and Birthdays.

So, the baptism has come and gone, and it was fabulous. Well, except for my forgetting to put batteries in the camera, so I am waiting oh-so-patiently for somebody, anybody, else to post some on facebook so that I can steal them.

I stayed up until two o'clock the night before, finishing up those little last-minute things like scrubbing the floors by hand (stupid cheap laminate flooring) and putting away toys. But the house was actually clean when I left for Mass, so I was satisfied. (Wess then proceeded to leave doors open that should have been closed, since the closets were quite beyond my powers of redemption, but that's another matter.) We went to Mass; we had a little break between Mass and the Baptism; everybody who needed to be there showed up; the ceremony was lovely; my son was anointed with chrism and welcomed into the Holy Catholic Church. My goal for the day was accomplished.

Then we had a party at my house! My stepmum catered it for me, which was amazing since basically all I had the energy to do after a marathon of cleaning and moving furniture (note: kitchen tables, even cheaply made kitchen tables, require a minimum of two people to move upstairs) was sit and eat! She made some fabulous little sandwichy things, brownies, poppyseed cake, cookies, and all kinds of great finger food. I had a wonderful time, and so did Wess (or at least, he was being a darned good sport about the whole thing). All in all, the day was awesome.

Next up: Birthday party, T-minus 12 days and counting (since his birthday is on a Thursday this year, we're having the party a bit early because weekends just work better all around). Wish me luck!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

On Lactivism.

I support breastfeeding. I ensdorse nursing into toddlerhood, and even young childhood, if the child and mum are both game. I vehemently defend my son's right to eat whenever, wherever he chooses. I do NOT think a date or milestone (first birthday, teeth, walking) should be arbitrarily made the weaning mark. I love the idea of child-led weaning, although my son DOES need to start drinking water and pumped milk from a cup before I go to work. If you ask me about nursing, I will tell you any of these things. If you confront me about nursing in public, I will invite you to read the Charter of Rights and Freedoms. If you give me a hard time about nursing my almost-1-year-old son, I will invite you to discuss the health benefits of breastmilk over cow's milk until the age of 2. If you suggest that he should be on formula, well, I probably won't be diplomatic anymore and will just walk away from you, most likely preceded by a comment about how rude and ignorant people can be.

Now, having said all of that, there are a couple of groups on facebook that are giving lactivists a bad name. I'm a member of two of these groups, and the tactics used by some of these women (and men!) to increase awareness and acceptability of breastfeeding are vile. Being deliberately and obnoxiously confrontational is a reprehensible and juvenile behaviour pattern. Furthermore, all it does is give credence to the idea that women who breastfeed in public are all exhibitionists who just want to shove their breasts in your face. These people are actually a detriment to the fight to make breastfeeding not just acceptable, but invisible. The end goal of any true lactivist is to make it so that breastfeeding is no longer something we have to get all up in arms over. It should be about as remarkable as tying your shoe.

Of course, I could be blowing this all out of proportion. It probably doesn't help that I detest, nay, despise the word titty.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

On Creating a Home.

So, as previously mentioned, Tristin's baptism is imminent. Like, 6 days imminent. I have a LOT of work to do between now and then to get ready for it... including making my house look, well, NOT like it's been decorated by a man!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that Wess has bad taste. But there's a pretty obvious lack of feminine touch throughout the entire house. The couch is HUGE, the T.V. is HUGE, the monstrosity of a computer desk that has overtaken my entire dining room is HUGE... are we sensing a theme here? Good.

So the time has come to (at least temporarily) downsize some aspects of my house. We are having possibly up to 25 people over on Sunday, and with things the way they are right now, there's not room for 5. Seriously. So I bought a new (smaller!) kitchen table and chairs, and have arranged child care for Tristin for Saturday so that I can clean this place to within an inch of its life. Hopefully, I'll be able finish everything that needs to be done in time...

Thursday, April 8, 2010

On Easter, and Being Lazy.

+Clearly, I haven't been updating this as often as I intended when I started out. I plead an enormous backup of laundry resulting from the trip, and the stress of trying to plan Tristin's Baptism and Birthday parties while trying to find work and a daycare. More on all of those things in their own time. First, Easter!

Tristin's first Easter was fantastic. I joined about 25 of my closest family members in our traditional dinner on Good Friday. Every year, since my dad and his sibs were kids, our family has gone to the Old Spaghetti factory downtown for Good Friday dinner. This tradition began when my grandfather won a family dinner gift certificate from some raffle or something. (Joke was on the restaurant; my grandparents had ten kids!) Anyways, every year thereafter, Grandpa Bus took his family out for dinner. And, despite his having passed away a few years ago, many of us continue the tradition - in fact, any of us who are in town will generally come. We make the reservations shortly after Christmas. I'm pretty sure that the manager of the restaurant actually has us in the training manual. And this year was awesome, as usual - Tristin was passed from table to table, meaning that I got to eat, and he got to meet some of his out-of-town cousins, aunts and uncles, great-aunts and great-uncles, inlaws and outlaws! What fun!

Then, on Sunday, we went to Easter Mass (which, I might add, I was highly impressed with, considering the logistics of having some 350 people attend a Mass in a chapel that doesn't usually see more than 100 and can only seat about 60 on a regular Sunday; Mass didn't even last longer than usual!), followed by a much-needed nap and then off to dinner at my parents' house, where Wess joined us for the first time in recorded history for Easter dinner. Again, about 30 of my closest family members joined us - and we kicked things off with the annual 30-and-under Easter Egg hunt. I lost, miserably, but felt good about it since I shelled out some of my findings to cousins whose shoes had been stolen! Man, we're a cutthroat bunch when it comes to chocolate! Dinner was fantastic - a potluck which yielded fantastical results (though not NEARLY enough potatoes for an Irish family get-together; the taters were gone before half the people had served themselves dinner!), and hanging out with the fam afterwards is always wonderful. It's funny, Easter is actually more of a family thing in my family than Christmas, even; I think it's because at Christmas we tend to divide into our sub-families of parents and sibs, while Easter is kind of a free-for-all with all the cousins, grandparents, and everyone in between.

At any rate, all in all it was a fantastic day, and I'm so glad that Wess (who is notoriously shy about coming to family gatherings larger than 6) came and enjoyed himself!

Friday, April 2, 2010

On Coming Home.

So we're home and mostly settled in post-Mexico. Laundry's al done, and I'm getting back into the routine - including applying for work, but more on that as it progresses.

I'm finding it hard to get motivated again now that we're back. Nurse, breakfast, dishes, garbage, nurse, laundry, vacuum, lunch, nurse, nap... more of the same. I love being a stay-at-home mum, but increasingly it feels like I've been trapped. I think a change of significant magnitude is necessary. Something bigger than rearranging the furniture or cleaning out the closets. Work will be a big change, although I wish it wasn't necessary - but maybe it will be what I need. Otherwise, I'm not sure what it's going to take for me to feel comfortable in my skin again!

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Quick Note:

Puerto Vallarta is awesome. Gastroenteritis is not. That is all.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

On Babyloss.

The loss of a child is something of a taboo subject. Whether the loss occured during pregnancy, in early term or late, or after delivery, or even after a birthday or two, the tragedy of losing a child is something so devastatingly private that we feel embarrassed by it. As though being in proximity to a grief so great is somehow shameful. And so we don't talk about it; we don't think about it; we skirt around its edges and try not to touch it.

But chances are very good that you know somebody who has experienced it first hand. She might never have told anybody; the pregnancy might have come to an abrupt and unheralded halt before she was even ready to announce it. Or she might have had the nursery already painted; dad may have put together the crib; they may have gone to the hospital in a sate of eager, nervous anticipation and come home with empty arms, to find an empty room, with hearts full of love and no baby to give it to.

Today, my heart goes out to little Baby Isaiah James and his family. I pray that his parents find the room they need to grieve. I pray that they find strength in one another, and grace and peace in the God they so firmly believe in.

And I pray that Isaiah is with Mrs. Spit's Gabriel.

** For more on this story, visit Isaiah's facebook page.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

On Schedules.

Some things, I can do on a schedule. I can say, with reasonable certainty, that dinner will be on the table at seven. That Tris's bath will be at eight. That he will wake up sometime between midnight and 12:30 to nurse; that we will be out of bed for the morning at about a quarter past eight. I am fairly reliable when it comes to keeping doctor's appointments, or picking people up from the airport or bus station.

However, that's about it. I have no idea, for the most part, how long it will take me to get ready to leave the house in the morning. I honestly couldn't tell you what time Tristin will want to take a nap, or when he will nurse during the day*. I'm not very good at meeting up for coffee, especially if we've tried to plan it a few days in advance, and for that, I am sorry. But the fact of the matter is, I have a ten-month-old baby. In all probability, I got less than five hours of sleep the previous night**, haven't had any caffeine in three days, can't remember the last time I took a shower that lasted for more than seven minutes, and don't even realize that one or both sides of my nursing bra are undone. So I apologize for not being on time, or even showing up at all; but really, truly, I promise, it's not personal.







* For those of you who would smugly point out "But I thought you ALWAYS nursed Tristin on a schedule," I would like to draw your attention to the fact that Tristin' hasn't been on a nursing schedule since he was about five months old. Much to my chagrin. And yes, this has been mentioned on this blog before.

** Actually, this one isn't so much a probability as a near-certainty, since I haven't had more than five hours' sleep since Tristin was four months old. (And yes, I DO think that the nursing schedule, and subsequent lack thereof, are related to the fact that Tristin still nurses at night.)

Saturday, March 6, 2010

On Second-Hand Stuff.

As a follow up to my post on budgeting, I thought I'd mention my recent love-affair with second-hand stuff. For Tristin, I have access to a fantastic store called Once Upon a Child. If you've never been there, or don't have one in your city/province/country, the way it works is this:

1) Bring in whatever your child doesn't wear/use/play with anymore, provided that it's clean and in good condition.
2) The salesperson will appraise it, and give you cash or store credit.
3) Shop for new clothes/items/toys for your child's current developmental stage.
4) Lather, rinse, repeat! You can basically get a whole "new" wardrobe for your child every 3-4 months for around $20, if you're smart and careful!

For myself, I mostly rely on friends who are clearing out their wardrobes or buying new furniture, and then, there's always classified websites.

Now, don't get me wrong; second-handing is A LOT of work, if you want to REALLY make good. But it can be done! I've been burned a couple of times, but overall I've come out ahead - and that feels pretty darned good!

Thursday, March 4, 2010

On Budgeting.

We are just now getting caught up from Christmas, which was financially more stressful than usual this year what with Wess being laid off at the beginning of December.

Budgeting is something that I struggle with almost constantly. Mathematically, it's pretty straightforward; take your income, subtract your necessary expenses, and what's left over is your laugh 'n' play, rainy day money. The problem is that while my income is greater than my expenses on paper, in reality it doesn't often seem to work out that way. There's always a bill that's a little higher this month, or an emergency situation involving pants*, or even just an extra tank or two of gas to get away and get some perspective for a couple of days. So now that we're all caught up, I'm going back to my tried-and-true budgeting method:

1) Calculate out my expenses, MONTHLY.
2) Divide all expenses by 2.
3) Pay bills/allocate moneys into appropriate accounts (e.g. rent, grocery, etc.) BIWEEKLY, based on pay periods.
4) Transfer at lease 60% of any remaining funds into long-term savings/RRSP's.

I did this before, when Wess was laid off for several months and we were living first off of my employment income, and then off of my (significantly lower) maternity leave benefits. And it worked extremely well, right up until an emergency (a real one, not a pants one**) required me to dip into my long-term savings. I'm determined to get to that point again - the point where I feel confident that we could get by for a month or two without having the heat, power, or phones cut off imminently (not that any of the above actually happened, but that's what it's felt like the last few months).

So, a 2-months-late New Year's Resolution:

To get my Budget Mojo back!




*The pants emergency: I was down to literally my last pair of pants that fit and had no holes in them (I'm sure you see where this is going)... when they burst a seam. Thankfully, the seam burst before I got to church.

**Wess's truck, our only reliable vehicle at the time, blew a tire beyond repair. Which, of course, meant that he needed not one but TWO new tires.

Monday, March 1, 2010

On Grandmothers.

Grandmothers are a wonderful breed, and Tristin is particularly blessed to have several of them - Wess's mum (a.k.a. "Gran"), my mum (Granny), my dad's wife (Nana B.), and Wess's best friend's mum (who has been granted honorary Grandma status). Last weekend, we went to visit my mum, who lives in Small Town, Alberta, a few hours' drive from here.

It was a fantastic visit, not least because I got some much-needed time off from being what I (only half-jokingly) refer to as "the first line of defense" for Tristin when it comes to everything from dirty diapers to feeding time to a fussy boy who needs a nap. (Honestly, I don't know how I'm going to cope with going back to work when I already work 18-20 hours a day, but I digress.)

Granny's house is kept reasonably clean, so I am comfortable letting Tristin roam free in the house - something I'm not even comfortable with him doing here at home, since we have been as yet unable to afford to baby-proof the main floor of the house. As well, Granny is unusually compliant with my rules when it comes to eating, playing, television, etc. I say unusually, because out of his four grandmothers, my mum is the only one who obeys these rules - and I don't mean makes a show of obeying, but actually double-checks with me if she's not sure about my feelings on something. I really appreciate that, and it helps to make those times that I can go up to visit seem more like vacations.

(Don't get me wrong - my mum and I have the usual issues, and I don't mean to be painting our relationship as all rosy, but thus far her relationship with her grandson IS all rosy, and that's why it's coming accross that way.)

Another nice thing about visiting at Granny's house is that Tristin gets exposed to more people - something I am striving to keep up, since I do NOT want to have to deal with a little boy who plays shy and screams anytime someone unfamiliar approaches him. With my return to work looming ever-closer on the horizon, I am mindful of the fact that Tristin will have to be going to a daycare or dayhome soon, and the more comfortable he is with new people, the more comfortable I will be leaving him with somebody.

And lastly, one of the best things about visiting Granny is the swag - after all, it is a grandparent's prerogative to spoil her grandchild the way she NEVER would have with her own child!

On the Olympics.

Ok, ok, so it's not particularly related to parenting. But the Olympics just wrapped up, and Canada did phenomenally well! So well, in fact, that the IOC is actually considering removing Women's Hockey from the Games. Well, I have one thing to say to that: THBBBBT.

Seriously, though, in a Games fraught with problems ranging from the tragic to the bizarre, we made an incredible showing. Both the hockey teams ruled the ice, K-Mart brought home a gold in Curling (and hopefully, the skip on the women's team won't be reliving that last rock in the 10th end for the rest of her life), the Hamelin brothers were the fastest EVER, and an entire nation mourned with Joannie Rochette as she skated through her grief. It was a Games to remember, that's for sure.

(For a more eloquent summary of the Games, check out Mrs. Spit's take on what they meant to Canada.)

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

On Other Parents.

Everybody who has children, or pets, or a marriage, or a car, or shoes, knows how irritating it can be to be on the receiving end of unsolicited advice. This can be anything from an innocuous, "Have you heard of/tried/thought about such-and-such store, product, sleep method, book, etc.?" to a passive aggressive "Well, I was always taught that doing things that way would make your child a sissy/mentally unstable/codependent/a vegetarian," to flat-out ignoring the wishes of the parent (and possibly child) by actually touching/feeding/speaking to the baby in a manner that has been expressly forbidden by the parent.

Most of us smile at the first, politely ignore the second (which, interestingly enough, is most common amongst people with no children of their own), and walk away from the third. A greater challenge is to keep ourselves from becoming that which we loathe, by becoming obnoxious founts of unwanted opinions on everything. (Yes, this blog contains both advice and opinions. However, I am not running around shoving it down other parents' throats, and I have tried to ensure that any advice I offer is accompanied by the disclaime that I am not an authority, simply a mum sharing what has and hasn't worked for me. Further to which, it's entirely possible that you came to this blog looking for advice, making it solicited. But I digress.) It means that we have to look away when our friends make parenting choices that we disagree with - because otherwise, we would have no friends who were parents. Let's face it, you and your friends are not going to have the same opinions on feeding, clothing, solids, diapers, toilet training, toys, television, sleeping, or prety much anything else. So don't bother trying to change your friend - share your views if asked, but otherwise, just keep your peace.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

On Alone Time.

One of the hardest things I have to do as a young mum is make myself leave Tristin at home once in a while. I hate doing it, but it's necessary for me to stay sane. I love my son; I love spending time with him, playing with him, watching him discover things. I love the expressions on his face, the sounds that he's learning he can make, and all the little mannerisms he's developing. There is no question that I love him more than anything in the world, and that's why it's important for me to take some alone time once or twice a week.

When I'm at home, I'm a wife, mother, doctor, maid, cook, dishwasher, laundress, seamstress, carpenter, and any one of a thousand more roles that need filling around the house. I never have more than a minute or two to myself - and then something else needs doing. (Even now, I could be washing the floors, trying to fix the broken mop, putting the laundry away, folding diapers, cleaning the dishes from breakfast...you get the idea.) Once in a while, it's important for me to get out, without Tristin, and remind myself that I am also myself. That, in addition to all the things I am for other people, I am also me.

So how do I do that? Well, I go out for coffee with "the girls", visit friends, read books, watch movies, go for walks. Eventually, I'd really like to start going to the gym a few times a week. Or maybe take a class - I can feel my brain beginning to atrophy from lack of use. (You may or may not believe me, but I am a University graduate twice-over.) I'd like to start writing again - not a log, like this one, but a collection of short narratives. I'd like to rediscover my love of, and gift for, the written word.

I think one of the most important things new mums can do is to set themselves goals that relate more to who they were B.B. (Before Baby) than their new lives as mothers. It's easy to lose ourselves in the needs of our new families, but in the long run, what our families need is us, whole and happy. So sign up for a class, get back into running, or start a book club. Whatever you do, make sure that it's just for you!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

On Travelling.

In just a few more weeks, Tristin, Wess and I will be going to Mexico. I am very excited about this, mixed with just a little bit of trepidation. Tristin and I have travelled together before; we've taken road trips to Cold Lake, Calgary, and even Colorado. But this will be the first time he's ever been on an airplane, and our first trip with Wess. It's my first trip to Latin America, and I'm also moderately anxious/nervous on that front: I speak no Spanish, and I detest temperatures in excess of 25 degrees Celsius.

(Aside: So WHY am I going to Mexico? I won airfare from AMA Travel to "Anywhere Air Canada Vacations flies!" Which was a slightly misleading wording to the contest, as I later discovered that I could only choose from their Mexican/Carribean destinations. However, I would like to point out: FREE AIR FARE. Not complaining. I chose Mexico because it's the only place that I had reliable information on in terms of accomodations etc.)

At any rate, it's going to be a great time - mostly because I'm determined that it will be great. And hey, if it worked on my LAST vacation (in which I threw my back out in my own driveway loading the car for the start of the trip - the car which later died in the middle of Wyoming), it will darned well work on this one!

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

On Babywearing.

I love babywearing. I have a Maman Kangarou stretchy wrap, which Tristin has almost-but-not-quite outgrown, and a Kelty backpack which we've just started wearing (although, to my chagrin, one of the buckles cracked after being slammed in the door, so we need to buy a new one). The wrap is awesome because it takes up literally no space; I can actually put it on before we get in the car, saving trunk space by leaving the stroller behind. And the Kelty, while it does take up a bit of room, is amazing because I can literally carry my chunky monkey in it ALL DAY LONG. It's incredible! Carrying my baby, instead of pushing him around in the stroller, helps me feel closer to him; I love being able to carry him, ESPECIALLY in the wrap. He hasn't fallen asleep in it in a long time, since he's way too big for a cradle carry, but it still settles him when he's being grumpy, so I think he loves it too.

Monday, February 15, 2010

On Swimming.

Tristin and I went swimming at his Gran's apartment complex pool today. It was awesome. Tris was wearing a Gabby's Swim Diaper, which did not get a full "test", thank goodness, but was certainly very cute. He had a wonderful time; so wonderful, in fact, that he was of the opinion he didn't need anybody to hold him up in the water. (And no, I didn't test his resolve on that; as determined as he was to strike out on his own, I still have about 200 lbs on him so he'll be doing things my way for a few years yet.) He really thought it was fantastic, and, as an added bonus, has slept longer tonight than he has in weeks. I'm thinking we'll be going swimming a LOT more often!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

On Television.

I hate television. I dislike it in general, and I specifically hate it as it relates to parenting. If Wess would allow it, I'd have cut off the cable months ago. Since that's not possible, I try not to turn it on at all during the day (which works fine when Wess is working, not so well otherwise). When Wess insists on plopping Tris down in front of the T.V. - which is pretty much any time that I'm busy with housework, cooking, etc. - I give in to the inevitable, but hold hard and fast to a couple of rules:

1) Absolutely no programs that required large quantities of strong hallucinogenic drugs in any stage of their creation (Have you ever heard of a show called Yo Gabba Gabba? I rest my case.)
2) When possible, only channels that do not have commercials (PBS Kids, Treehouse, you get the idea). However, I waive this rule in deference to rule #1.)

The other night, when Tristin had refused to go to bed at a decent hour and I was trying to tidy the living room this show came on. I have decided that I love it, and am recording all the episodes until my DVR is full. If Wess insists on letting Tristin watch television, at least it will be cute, funny, imaginative, intelligent, and narrated with impeccable grammar and diction!

Monday, February 8, 2010

On Doctors.

Short post here.

Today was Tristin's 9 month checkup with our family doctor. Head, 97th percentile. Weight, 97th percentile. Height.... 60th percentile. Oh well, he's short and chubby. Doc's opinion is that Tris is healthy and happy, quite precocious as far as his standing/walking and babbling go. He asked the usual questions: still breastfed, no bottles or formula? (Nope.) Never a bottle in bed with him? (Um, see last question.) What and how much/often is he eating for solids? (This was kind of a longish discussion, since Tris is actually a bit behind on this front ever since his bout with a tummy bug last month, but the conclusion was just to keep doing what we're doing as far as offering several times a day, and encouraging finger foods and food play.)

And finally, the kicker: Is he sleeping through the night? (Nope, not even close. Still nursing 3-4 times/night.) Wait, HOW many times per night? (3-4 times. Cluster feeding from midnight to about 4.) Oh. Um. Does he take a pacifier? (Nope, never could get him to take one.) Huh. Well.

And then he asked the best question ever:

Do you mind that he's nursing that often? (Not as long as I get to nap during his afternoon nap.) How long is his afternoon nap? (2.5 hours, almost exactly.) And you feel that you're coping OK? (Like I said, I'm ok as long as I get a nap.)

Best conclusion ever:

Well. Ok then. Sounds like it's not really a problem; he is obviously using nursing to soothe himself back to sleep, and as long as you don't have much of a problem with that, we don't really need to worry about it right now.

I know for many mums, this would seem like a bad answer. However, in a world where breastfeeding past 6 months is an accomplishment, and breastfeeding into toddlerhood is actually frowned upon, it's kind of refreshing to know that Tristin's doctor has a bit more of a worldly attitude about it. Many medical professionals (including the several in my immediate family) are of the opinion that if a baby isn't sleeping through the night by 8 months of age, there is Something Wrong. Which usually translates into Mum is Doing Something Wrong. Which usually translates to weaning, something I, and certainly Tristin, have no interest in doing right now. So it's nice to hear a doctor say, "Hey, if it's working for you, no problem. If not, then we'll see what we can do about it, ok?"

On Pets.

I love Wess's cats. They are funny, endearing, and interesting. I definitely prefer cats over dogs. And, in theory, I fully support the idea of having a pet as part of the household. The cats provide the opportunity to teach Tristin all kinds of things - particularly the importance of being gentle while touching. It reduces the likelihood of his developing irrational fears towards other animals, and lays a groundwork for learning about empathy (yes, the cat ran away when you pulled his ears; how would you like it if I pulled your ears?). In theory, pets are wonderful.

In practice, they are... honestly, still wonderful. 99% of the time. The 1% of the time they are not wonderful is when Tristin has woken in the middle of the night to nurse, is mere moments away from drifting back to sleep, and Jupiter jumps up on the bed with a "Prrrrow?" (Anybody who lives with a cat is very familiar with this sound. If you don't, well, I'm sorry for you. On many levels.) This sound is usually endearing; upon hearing it, those who have cats in their home will usually scoop up the inquisitive feline for a nice cuddle, myself included - unless it just so happens to coincide with one of Tristin's wakeful moments. Because when that happens, Tristin suddenly realizes 3 things:

1) I'm in Mum's bed!
2) I've slept just enough that, while I'm still tired and should sleep for a few more hours, if I wake up now I'll have enough energy to play for an hour or two!
3) KITTY!!!!!

(Some would argue that the solution is to close the bedroom door. They clearly don't live with cats. Cats do not see a closed door as an insurmountable obstacle; rather, it is a combination scratching-post and audience for feline opera.)

So, when this happens - about one night every two or three weeks, I do the most sensible thing:

I let Tristin do WHATEVER HE WANTS to Jupiter.

Silly cat deserves everything he gets.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

On Bedtime.

Now, anybody who knows the sleep struggles Tristin and I have endured and are enduring will take this post with a grain of salt. Obviously, I am no kind of authority on bedtime, since at 9 months of age Tris still isn't sleeping through the night. But this evening, I caught a bit of a glimpse into the importance of a bedtime routine.

Tristin does have a very predictable evening routine. Every evening after supper I give him his bath; he then goes with Dad to dry off and play on the bed for a few minutes while I tidy the bathroom. After he's had about 5 minutes of playing with his Dad, I take him, get him into his PJ's, sing him his bedtime song, read him his bedtime book (almost always Goodnight Moon, unless it's been left in the car), nurse him to sleep and put him in his crib. (Yes, I know the reason he doesn't sleep through is because of that last step. Popular opinion says that babies won't sleep through until they're able to be put down awake in their cribs at bedtime. I don't believe in allowing my child to cry, so that's not going to happen just yet. That's not the point of tonight's post, so I'll carry on.)

Tonight, since we're going swimming tomorrow, I wanted to shave my legs. In the interest of saving water, I figured I'd use Tristin's bath water to do so, and I asked Wess to take over the bedtime routine. Tris cried almost the entire time, and I think I can probably hazard a guess (or three) as to why:

1) Wess skipped the playtime, going straight to lotion/diaper/pj's. Tristin started crying almost immediately.
2) Wess didn't talk to Tristin about what he was doing. I am in the habit of giving Tris a running commentary of everything I'm doing: "And now we're putting lotion on your legs, and on your feet; and now it's time for a big stretch to get your arm in your sleeve." Conversely, when Tristin started to cry, Wess just tried to get the whole ordeal overwith faster, rushing Tris and probably upsetting him even more.
3) Wess didn't sing or read to Tristin; he put him in the playpen with the TV on.

As a result of this, Tristin was very worked up and upset by the time I'd finished in the tub, and took several extra minutes to calm down before getting his song, book, and nurse.

Now, as previously mentioned, I am the last person I'd ask for advice on bedtime; however, I'm pretty sure that tonight illustrates pretty clearly why it's important for both parents to approach bedtime more-or-less exactly the same.

On Cloth Wipes.

Just a couple of weeks ago, I made the decision to switch over to cloth wipes. It's something I've been meaning to do for some time; really, I've just been procrastinating. I honestly believed that cloth wipes would be more difficult, messier, and less effective than disposables - after all, disposable wipes were just so convenient for everything, from diapers to faces to a quick-clean of the high chair tray.

Boy was I wrong.

See, with the throwaway wipes, I was faced with the choice of putting the used wipes into the dirty diaper (like you would with a disposable diaper), only to have to peel them out afterwards - or, tossing them into the trash as I went, which can be a difficult trick while trying to hold a wriggling 25 pound baby's ankles up to keep his bum out of the poopy diaper on the change table.

Now, with the cloth wipes, I can lay them down in the dipe as I go - thus reducing the chance of Tristin's bum getting dirty again - and then just throw the whole thing into the diaper pail, to be washed all at the same time. What could be easier than that? And, as an added bonus, I made the wipes out of my old prefolds. Super-soft and lint-free from being washed 40 or 50 times, they make perfect wipes. And they're absorbant enough that if Tristin happens to turn the waterworks back on, no problem - I've got it covered!

(N.B. I also made my own wipes solution, using a very simple formula: 2 cups of warm water, 1 1/2 Tbsp of vitamin E oil or baby oil, and 1 1/2 Tbsp of baby shampoo or whatever you usually use during baby's bathtime. I keep it in an empty shampoo bottle, since I prefer wetting the wipes, but you can also use a squirty bottle and spray baby's bottom directly!)

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Some more thoughts on Breastfeeding.

Just a few more thoughts on breastfeeding. I have my sincere doubts that anybody will use my hours-old blog as an authority on breastfeeding, but I feel an obligation to ensure that anyone who DOES come across it while searching for honest information gets as much as possible. What I'm about to say will not come as a shock to anyone who has breastfed successfully. If you have been unsuccessful in the past, and learn why through this post, please know that I don't intend for it to be hurtful, derogatory, insulting, or judgmental in any way. Much of what I'm about to post here is the result of overwhelming amounts of misinformation and lack of education. If you were the victim of this, it's not your fault.

Dos and Don'ts of Breastfeeding

1) DON'T pump and then bottle feed, at least not for about 4 weeks. There are many reasons mums choose to do this earlier, and some are valid. Some are not. We will examine a few right now.

"But how do I know how many ounces he's getting?"
Answer: You don't. It's not important. What's important is: he's gaining weight (at least 6 oz/week after re-attaining birth weight); he's wetting at least 4-6 times per day (easier to tell with cloth diapers, but some of the newborn size 'sposies have a wetness indicator strip on them), he's pooping at least once per day (usually 2-3 times, but some babies will just have one super-poop); his poop is mustard coloured and full of little curds or seeds. I reiterate: there is no need whatsoever to quantify how much breastmilk your child gets in ounces. It's not even meaningful, since there's no way to know how many calories your baby is getting per ounce. Breastmilk changes from mum to mum. It changes from morning to night. It even changes from the beginning of a feeding to the end of a feeding. The number of ounces your baby is getting is NOT. IMPORTANT. Whether he's gaining weight, making urine, and passing feces is the only meaningful measurement of how much he's eating and drinking.

"But my husband/partner/mum wants to feed him."
This IS valid. Feeding can be an important bonding experience, and the non-nursing parent often feels left out of this bond. I recommend waiting for your supply to establish itself; this takes about 3 weeks. I don't suggest waiting longer than 6 weeks, if you ever plan on bottle-feeding, because transitioning from breast to bottle, even with expressed breastmilk, can be difficult after that time. Once your supply is established, spend 2-3 days feeling out your baby's routine (if you nurse on a schedule, you can skip this step.) Find a time of day when baby is going at least 2.5 hours between feedings. Pump 1/2 to 3/4 oz (about 15-25 ml) from each breast after it's been 2 hours. Since baby is not going to nurse for another 30 minutes, your body will replenish most of that amount by baby's next feeding. Morning tends to be the best time for this, as the hormones that are responsible for stimulating milk production peak overnight. Personally, I pumped 3/4 oz from each side before each feeding at 6 AM, 9 AM, and Noon. That meant that I had a 4 1/2 oz bottle ready for Tristin's 9 PM feeding. I (or his dad, or his granny) gave him the bottle, and then at about 10:30 I pumped again - this time getting 4-6 oz in one sitting, since it had been four and a half hours since I'd nursed. I popped that bottle in the fridge, and used it for his bedtime feed the following evening. In this manner, I was able to build up to where I always had 2 bottles worth in the fridge, AND I was freezing 10-12 oz per day. (See end of post for storage tips.)

Ok, that got a little off topic, but that's how you go about making sure that somebody else gets the chance to have feeding-bonding time with baby, without damaging your supply.

See, what your doctors, nurses, mothers, and possibly even lactation consultants don't tell you is that your pump does not stimulate a letdown reflex nearly as well as your baby does. Since you get no letdown, you don't express as much milk using a pump as you do while actually nursing. This leads to the mistaken belief that you don't produce enough milk ("But I'm only making 1 oz every 3 hours!"), and, much more serious, it doesn't actually drain your breasts. And the only way to make your body make more milk is to completely drain your breasts at regular intervals. Now, your baby is able to accomplish that for you; your pump is not. Don't believe me? Try this:

After baby has nursed to his satisfaction, hand him off to your partner, or put him in his crib, playpen, bassinet, or what have you. Beginning at your collarbone, massage in slow, firm-but-gentle circles downwards towards your nipple. Once you get ther, support your breast with one hand and roll the areola between the thumb and forefinger of the other hand. You might see a drop or to of milk expressed.

Now, do the same thing after you pump next time. Did you spray 4 feet across the room? See, TOLD you you're not empty. Your breast is just (very wisely) trying to hold onto that milk until baby comes to take it out. Moral of the story: if you pump instead of nursing, you may actually be causing the supply issue.

So, that about sums up DON'T pump and then bottle feed.

2) DON'T stress about eating/drinking right!

Basically, you can eat/drink whatever you did before becoming pregnant while breastfeeding. One of the biggest reasons women cite for giving up on breastfeeding is that it's too hard to follow the "rules". So throw them away! (Yes, yes, hypocrisy, irony, how well I know thee.) There is a caveat to this: don't use breastfeeding the way some women use pregnancy, i.e. as an excuse to eat whatever they're "craving" because that "must be what baby needs". However, there is no one perfect diet. It is possible that some of what you eat will need to change; baby may be sensitive to some foods (tomatoes and citrus are quite common), or have no tolerance for caffeine (bye-bye, coffee and chocolate!), but only you and your baby can decide that - and not all babies have the same intolerances.

Can you drink coffee while nursing? Absolutely. I wouldn't suggest drinking it after about 3 PM; your baby WILL get the caffeine from your system, and if you're trying to teach him to sleep at night, that won't be helpful. The reason many medical professionals say Absolutely No Coffee is because it's a diuretic and may reduce your supply, if you allow yourself to become dehydrated. Many new mums hear No Coffee and think it's for the same reason that you shouldn't have coffee during pregnancy: that is, that it can actually harm the baby. This is not the case; the risk of coffee during pregnancy is more related to a reduction in placental blood volume, resulting in low birth weight and a host of other problems.

Can you drink beer/wine/liquor while nursing?

This is a somwhat delicate issue, so I will hedge my reply a bit. There is absolute truth in the old wives' tale that a glass of stout (think Guinness) will help your milk production. I don't know if the same is true of paler ales. As for the question of drinking and nursing in general, I go by the rule that if you can't drive, you can't nurse. However, I don't see a particular problem in having the occasional drink with dinner. I don't pump and dump after doing so. My argument stems from several theories. First, let's look at some math:

Beer has 5% alcohol. If I drink 2 beers (24 oz) that works out to about 1.1 oz, or 22 ml, of pure alcohol.

After 2 beers, my blood alcohol level is probably about 0.05%. I estimate this based on the fact that the legal limit is 0.08, and while I wouldn't drive after 2 beers unless it was an emergency, I feel comfortable that I would still pass at a checkstop.

My son takes about 8-10 oz per feeding. Assuming my breastmilk has the same amount of alcohol as my blood (reasonable assumption), 0.05% of 10 oz is 0.005 oz, or 0.15 ml of alcohol.

Second, let's look at the ingredients on gripe water.

Get the picture?

3) DO sleep when baby sleeps!

This is a good tip for any new mum, but especially important if you're nursing. Oxytocin and prolactin, the hormones responsible for milk production, drop drastically the longer you're awake. They tend to peak after about 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep; thus the good ol' 2AM feeding. However, until your baby is sleeping more at night than during the day, you should just sleep every time he does, for as long as you can. Dad can do the dishes and the laundry for once. Oh, and if you don't like having a 9 PM bedtime, well, tough. Until your supply is well established, you can't risk staying up past baby's bedtime - especially if he's not sleeping reliably at night yet.

4) DO invest in a good nursing bra! (Or several! In different sizes!)

Your breasts may or may not change sizes, become rigid (engorged), or leak during your breastfeeding journey. Regardless, it is very important to wear a good bra. Breastfeeding has been made complicated enough without the added complications of back/neck/shoulder strain or skin damage/stretch marks from the sudden increase in the weight of your breasts.

5) DO what feels right!

In an earlier post, I mentioned that I nursed on a schedule. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle nursing on demand with my baby, and to be honest I didn't think being "on demand" was helping my supply any; Tristin wanted to nurse 100% of the time he was awake, so I never had any time to build up any significant amount of milk in my breasts, which meant that he never got full, which meant that he never slept for more than 45 minutes at a stretch, which meant that he was awake and wanting to nurse. Bad circle to be in. So, it was a very, very difficult 3 days, but by the end of 3 days he was getting a full tummy every three hours, and by the end of the week he was sleeping 5-7 hours in a row, AT NIGHT. (Please note: if he was asleep at the time of a scheduled feeding, I woke him up. He usually went right back to sleep after, but that way we never got off schedule.)

The schedule was right for us. It might not be right for you. All babies are different. So, if it feels right to you to eat an extra meal, to cut out chocolate, to drink exactly 8 litres of water a day - do whatever feels right to you. If you're finding yourself stressed out about breastfeeding, chances are you're trying to do it someone else's way, not yours.

Good luck!


(N.B. A little about milk storage: There are mixed opinions on the length of time you can store milk. The times listed are on the outside of what I felt comfortable with.

Fridge: store at the back, away from the door, in a container that has been carefully cleaned and has an airtight seal. Can be used up to 6 days after pumping. Milk may separate; shake gently, but only immediately before warming to serve or you'll make butter.

Freezer compartment of fridge: store at back, away from door, in sterile container - either the disposable bags or storage bottles that have been boiled. Can be used up to 2 months after freezing.

Deep freeze: store in bottom, away from door, in sterile container. Can be used up to 6 months after freezing.

Thawed milk from freezer: If thawing in fridge, allow 12 hours. Can be used up to 24 hours after thawing, or 36 hours after removal from freezer. If thawing at room temperature, allow 3 hours. Can be used up to 8 hours after thawing, provided that it has been placed in fridge after thawing. Otherwise, must be used immediately.)

On Cloth Diapers.

I started thinking about cloth diapering sometime in the second trimester of pregnancy. When Tristin's dad was laid off at the beginning of my third trimester, I decided we were definitely cloth diapering, and I went out and bought stacks of prefolds and covers. Wess was hesitant about cloth diapering to say the least, but confronted with the reality of having a baby while he was laid off and I was on maternity leave, coupled with the overwhelming cost savings of cloth diapers, and he was sold on it. "Provided," he added, "that YOU do all the laundry!" (Like that was anything new.)

We kept to the prefolds until Tristin was nearly 4 months old. And, honestly, if he wasn't so HUGE (see end of previous post for his weight gain) we probably would have used them for longer. However, since he outgrew the diaper covers that I had bought by the time he was 3 months old, I decided we needed another approach: one-size diapers. After fairly exhaustive research, I narrowed my choices down to three: Happy Heinys, Knickernappies, and FuzziBunz. (Apologies; I will hotlink to their sites eventually, but I haven't used HTML in a long time and am rusty; for now, you can find them by typing the brand names into Google.) I ordered a sample of each from Heather at Cloth Diaper Outlet (www.clothdiaperoutlet.com) in order to decide which kind would make up the bulk of my stash. I came to the following conclusion:

FuzziBunz are the greatest invention ever.

For those of you unfamiliar with cloth diapering, FuzziBunz is the brand name of the original "Pocket Diaper". Pocket diapers operate on a fairly self-explanatory principle: they are comprised of a waterproof outer layer, with a fleece or microsuede layer next to baby's bottom. At the back of the diaper is an opening between these to layers, into which you can stuff an insert. The fleece acts as a stay-dry layer, since liquids pass through it easily; the insert(s) absorbs these liquids, and any overflow is kept inside by the waterproof outer. All three of the brands mentioned above are pocket diapers; FuzziBunz are by far and away the best of the three. My son's morning diaper is so wet that it weighs well over a pound, but his clothes and skin are dry. And only twice in the five months that we've been using them have we had an issue with a blowout. So I'll say it again:

FuzziBunz are the Greatest. Invention. EVER.

On Breastfeeding.

At 9 months of age, my son has never even tasted infant formula. I am justifiably proud of this fact, and so will be blogging about the remainder of our breastfeeding journey (hopefully another year or so!). There is a wealth of breastfeeding information out there. Most of what I'm going to say here won't surprise you. One thing definitely will, so I'll get it out there right now:

Feeding on demand is for crap.

At least, it was with my kid. My nipples would have chapped, dried out, cracked, and eventually fallen off by the time Tristin was 2 weeks old had I nursed him on demand. Demand, for him, was 8-12 hours a day. Not 8-12 times, mind you; 8-12 hours. He wanted to be latched on every second that he was awake. It was so bad that by the time he was 4 days old I'd broken the first cardinal rule of breastfeeding and bought him a pacifier, for all the good that did - by that point it was too late for him to start using one. So, I gritted my teeth and put him on a nursing schedule, and stuck to it until he was 5 months old. It was a pretty generous schedule, as feeding schedules go; at each feeding, he was allowed to nurse until there was no milk left, or until he spontaneously let go, and feedings started every 3 hours. Our days looked something like this:

6 AM: Wake up, nurse, hang out singing/reading/playing/watching the news.
7:15 AM: Dirty diaper. (This diaper was usually epic, as Tristin got the hang of not pooping overnight by the time he was about 10 days old.)
7:30 AM: Nap.
9 AM: Wake up, nurse, change diaper, hang out.
10:30 AM: Nap.
Noon: Wake up, nurse, change diaper, walk.
1:30 PM: Nap.
3 PM: Wake up, nurse, change diaper, hang out.
4:30 PM: Nap.
6 PM: Wake up, nurse, change diaper, hang out - this hang-out lasted quite a bit longer than the others all day long, because Tristin settled into sleeping longer hours at night by the time he was two weeks old. I think it was because of the nursing schedule, in all honesty.
8:30 PM: bath, pj's, book.
9 PM: Nurse (to sleep)
3 AM: Nurse.
6 AM: Lather, rinse, repeat.

I started him on the feeding schedule when he was about 4 or 5 days old. It sucked at first; he was fussy all through the evening, and the only way to appease him was to keep moving: dancing, walking, bouncing, rocking, or (as a last resort) buckling him into his carrier carseat and swinging him, since he didn't have much use for the actual baby swing we got (for free, thank goodness!). He got used to nursing by the clock within 3 days, and typically only started fussing about 10 minutes before feeding time. By the time he was 8 days, he started sleeping more at night than during the day. By 2 weeks, he was sleeping for 5-7 hours in a row, from 9 PM to 2-4 AM, consistently. I credit the schedule; it is well-documented that a bedtime routine is important to establish good sleep habits. I am of the opinion that it is equally important to have a routine pretty much all day.

And for those who argue that breastfeeding on demand is the only way to ensure your baby is getting enough to eat when exclusively breastfed, I leave you with Tristin's monthly weight gain to date:

Birth Weight: 8 lbs, 7 oz
7-day Well Baby Checkup: 8 lbs, 4 oz
9-day weigh in, prior to circumcision: 8 lbs, 10 oz
1 month: 11 lbs, 12 oz
2 months: 15 lbs, 2 oz
3 months: 17 lbs, 15 oz
4 months: 21 lbs, 1 oz
5 months: 22 lbs, 4 oz (began solids at 5 months, 2 weeks)
6 months: 23 lbs, 7 oz
7 months: 24 lbs, 5 oz
8 months: 24 lbs, 14 oz
9 months: 25 lbs, 4 oz

(9 month weight added Feb. 8, 2009, after today's doctor's checkup!)

On Cosleeping.

Cosleeping, for us, was more-or-less a conscious decision. I'd read a little about it, and knew (if only in an abstract kind of way) that I wanted my baby as close to me as possible. The second he was born, there was nothing abstract about it; I literally didn't put him down until he was about 3 weeks old except for diaper changes.

I was a little nervous about cosleeping at first; we have two cats, one of which is accustomed to sleeping between Wess and I. The obvious solution was to have Tristin between me and the edge of the bed, but I was nervous about this too - how could I make sure that he wouldn't fall off, or get underneath my pillow, or any of the other myriad awful things that the anti-cosleeping contingent would have you believe happen to EVERY baby that sleeps in its parents' bed?

Fortunately, the answer was quite simple, and Tristin pretty much came up with it himself by the time he was 2 or 3 days old. We had one of those pads for on top of his change table that has a scooped-out middle; Tristin was born the day after the table and crib were delivered, and what with bringing home a baby, it was quite some time before they were assembled. However, we did have the change pad, and it came about that he fell asleep on it one day quite soon after he was brought home. Ta-da! We had our solution. The change pad moved upstairs onto the family bed, and I rested quite a bit easier with Tristin having a defined space in the bed that was his.

We continued using the change pad until Tristin was old enough to roll out of it - about 4 1/2 months. Then we just switched to sleeping right in bed with me; at a hefty 22 lbs, I was not nearly so worried about not noticing him in the bed anymore. We fell into a pattern that we still continue with today: he takes his naps on his own in the crib, and (usually) sleeps in the crib from bedtime at 8 until his first wake-up to nurse, around 11:30 or 12. I come to bed whenever that first nursing session happens, and we cuddle together, nursing 2-3 times overnight, until 8 AM when he gets breakfast in bed and we get up together. The cosleeping is working quite well, except for the fact that my sleep is very, very broken overnight, but as long as I'm able to lie down in the afternoon for what I call my "unchaperoned" nap - while Tristin is in his crib - I get by just fine.

(N.B. Yes, most babies can sleep the night through without nursing after 6 months. However, for coslept babies, one year is the usual age for night-weaning.)

I won't lie. There are days when I'm so tired that I wish he would sleep the whole night through in his crib. The 3 occasions that this has happened shocked me so much I was unable to sleep, waking up to check on him every 3 hours or so, leaving me frazzled and frustrated that I couldn't just take advantage of my great good fortune. In my darker moments, I despair of ever sleeping through the night again. But then I remind myself of all the reasons I wanted to cosleep in the first place, and that it's not going to last forever; after all, no high-school student has ever needed to be nursed to sleep in his mummy's bed.

On Teething.

I hate teething. Tristin has his 2 bottom teeth now, and is currently aspiring towards his first top one; he is miserable much of the time, and cranky the rest of it. Only a few months ago I hated the idea of drugging my child into submission; now, I reach for the Advil drops without hesitation. I hate for my poor guy to be in so much pain. And, of course, there's the other problem: the biting.

Now, my kid is not a biter. Anything he picks up tends to gravitate towards his mouth, including mummy's fingers, toes, eyebrows, or whatever. But he doesn't bite the way some children do - with deliberate, malicious intent. His new teeth just inevitably end up on or in whatever he was taste-testing. Including, on a couple of occasions, mummy's nipples - although it's only happened a couple of times, and not for several weeks now. However, as much as I wish for that top tooth to pop through and stop plaguing him quite so much, I also dread it - what'll happen to my poor breasts when he's got top chompers too?

Hello!

I'm somewhat late starting this out - I really ought to have started it nine months ago, today. Those of you who have known me for some time know that, once upon a time, I used to write often. So here I am, starting all over again, with a brand-new cast of characters. Enjoy!